Also tailar left... she said our friendship was fading.. its not that its just my heart n mind are numb. Im alone again in florida... no friends... everyone left to go see their families... I can't bare to see mine... it will only hurt more.. I decided to spend christmas alone. Its okay im used to lonely holidays... just wish I knew how to make more friends and not just bar friends.. well tailar left for the better hoping she progresses at her moms... she was starting to lie alot.. and getting back into drugs and things.. I kinda started trying coke.. (when I got too drunk) so I've decided to stay away from alcohol.. maybe one or two drinks... ugh. I got so shit faced the other day.. I ended up being a creeper and going into billy's room and I guess kissing on him(im so embaressed) but what can I do I can't take it back.. guess it was a drunk routine to hop in his bed.. which isn't good maybe I ruined the perfect relationship with all my issues and bad habits. But im not going to beat myself up. Good and bad things happen and life goes on...
Saturday, December 15, 2012
so me and billy broke up
He actually broke up with me... after leaving me at his house for four hours with no warning.. I kind of saw it coming but I only pushed the situation by going to jacksonville with a old customer who liked me and was going to pay for my time... being the brat that I am and alcoholic.. I got drunk n mean to customer thought he left and left with these other guys who would take me n my friend home the next day. Well I text billy being honest he blows up cursing ( first time he ever cursed at me) and broke up with me. I don't get it everything was so perfect I spent thanksgiving with him we went shopping.. I was working on trying to express myself more and be more open... I guess that's why I stopped trying in the first place... because of this.. another heartache.. another reason to cry and think ill never fall in love. Ill always be the girl everyone is afraid to love or takes for granted. This world is so lonely.. if its not my loss they want.. its their own selfish motives.. I don't want to give my heart.. but I want someone to earn it :( I really thought he was the one to at least open my eyes to better begginings.