so yesterday was the first date off the sugar daddy website. i made sure there was a knife in my purse jsut in case he was a weirdo. he picked me up and the first thing i see is his car.i was disappointed to not see a newer car, it was an older mercedes and not the clasical older but older like umm get a ypgrade older. so we leave to the restaurant and hes looking up places im like ok lets test him. we try to go to a nice italian place but they close at ten. ok so then we decide apple bees. ( i am so hungry from starving myself at home im too embarressed to eat too much since i dont pay for groceries) so i didnt care. we both order the sirloin skip dessert because dessert awaited me. i kept telling myself "karen play your part dont be overwhekmed do it like the movies" i did pretty good convincing myself. so we go to wlmart and uy chocholate icecream bars and strawberries and champagne. we go to the hotel were he requesta room with a jacuzzi. it was like the movies i cant except i dint not want to see him naked i told myself so hard to keep my composure and compared to other times i did. i didnt cry and i didnt think i "acted" the whole time. thank god there where bubbles in the jacuzzi thouhg. then he wanted a massage and fell asleep. thank god nothing else happend. i swear god blesses me more than i deserve. the next morning i feard since i did not do what most girls do he would refuse to pay me or talk to me everagin. so i just waited to see how things oannd out. he fortunately gave me money and liked me very much.
i hate to do this to myself, but i just really haveto come on top of everything. hopefully i can stay strong and keep my wittyness and acting up. see how long it lasts me until i am totally on my feet. at least with a car that s my number one goal out here in florida.
god blesae have mercy on my less deserving soul. help me accomplish everything i seek. and that this road i take takes me to the path of what i must really do. let me find you god, and let me find myself.
t
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