Motivation

I seem to lose and gain motivation at the blink of an eye. I struggle to stay focused and to know what I am actually working towards. I feel like my morals and my ideas clash. Like I'm two people in one. One wants to be this positive idol. While the other is seeking fame and a big name. Yes it sounds crazy both ideas don't usually pertain to every person. But for some reason I think I'm special that ican accomplish anything. Maybe its just the crazy side of me.. the desperate to get ahead... whatever it takes followed by a good story. I need to keep god close... he is the reason I'm still here.. I still blackout I found that out Saturday.. the last I remember is dancing at the club then somehow I ended up running away from the people I was with and ended up getting lost. Cuts and bruises all over my body. And no recolation of why I did it. (No one put anything in my drink) just another "karen" moment. I'm talking to evelyn again. Found out she heard rumors I came here because I'm prego ha funny. But anywho goodnight